HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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