So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
