drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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