Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
