Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
