I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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