chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I bet he comes in French.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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