Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
