i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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