i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
