I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize