I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm like, not good at living.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
