when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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