this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
