just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
