you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Sober January is a disaster.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
