He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
