You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
