I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
