When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Actions speak louder than pants.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
