I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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