I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
