haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
