Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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