Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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