Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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