you guys were way drunker than both of me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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