I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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