It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
