she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
