It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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