Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
