She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize