Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
