whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
