i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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