You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
