Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize