we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
