so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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