The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
