i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
