Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize