We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize