I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
