Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize