Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
