His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
