How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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