I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
