Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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