listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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