Someone shit on the floor
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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