I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
