he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize