the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize