Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
