I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
