No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
