you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
