Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
