can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
