i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
