Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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