Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
