we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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