i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
