so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize