I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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