so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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