imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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