There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
