We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
