I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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