Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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