I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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