if i can run in heels then i can drive
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
