What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I understand Curling. That high.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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